Weeknote S17 Ep7
2 down, 1 to go
Ok this is getting difficult. I’m 2 weeks into my 3 week handover period before I leave my current role so because most of the time I’m thinking about not being here, and thinking about what needs to be handed over it’s hard to really talk about what I’ve been doing. But I’ll give it a go (these might be short!)
Monday was super quiet which had the effect of making me feel really quite sad. I had no meetings in the diary and so was just under my own steam. Where did the sad come from? I think a lot of my self-esteem is bound up with feeling needed. Being alone means not being needed. I don’t do well when I feel unproductive. It was a long and uncomfortable day.
On Tuesday I was unsure if the sad from Monday would carry over, and I was feeling a bit anxious about that as I travelled into the office.
Thankfully I had lots of meetings or catch ups with people and the day went quickly and it felt… better. The highlight was lunch and a proper old chinwag with lovely Miranda as it was her birthday. Some highlights were talking about what it means to be a leader, what it means to lead from the back or from the side as opposed to traditional opinions about leading from the front and what that looks like and means.
I also had catch ups with Michael, Kaj and Luisa which were helpful and hopeful and renewing.
The rest of the week was a bit of a mix, some meetings and some thinking about handover stuff, but also some slow patches. Also some more bad news about people leaving which also made me really sad
In other things that happened this week I had 2 interviews and 2 really useful and interesting chats about opportunities as well as a couple of people reaching out for chats which I always appreciate. I also had a really great coaching session which had a focus on achievements. This is not something I am particularly good at thinking about. Actually during the course of it my coach Michelle prompted me to think about a few things and I remembered something great that happened that I had totally packed away in a dusty corner of my brain.
I’ve been thinking a lot, via the coaching but also through my own reflection about my tendancy to think that I have to go backwards to go forwards. I’ve applied for a couple of roles which I’m overqualified for, thinking that I need to somehow learn some more to progress some more. I hear myself talking about going back to build craft skills while simultaneously undermining my leadership skills and experience. There’s a real gremlin I have which seems to want to undercut myself at any point, and to discount, diminish or hide the good stuff in dusty corners of my brain.
So now I have to work out how to go forwards to go forwards, or at least stand where I am and look forwards.
And what else?
- A new series of Extraordinary started which is great.
- I listened to George Monbiot on the Adam Buxton Podcast
- I watched The State We’re In
- I started making a very silly and tongue in cheek playlist
And that’s probably enough for now. ONWAAAARDS.
